People come to therapy because they want things to be different. They feel stuck. Like they don’t know what to do with themselves. The situation they are in is hopeless. They may even feel despondent. Not a fun place to be.
I believe what makes being stuck such a hard place to be is because by definition, when someone feels stuck, they don’t feel like they have a way out, and, if there is no way out, then, there is nothing to try or look forward to.
That is where the miracle question comes in. It goes like this:”If I told you that tomorrow morning when you wake up, your life will be exactly as you want it to be. Anything, everything or nothing will have changed. What would your day look like?” When you give someone the chance recreate themselves, no holds barred, the answers are interesting.
This question gives them the chance to let their inner thoughts have a space to come out. Almost instantaneously, clients are being given the opportunity to become whomever they want. Work, not work. Be married or not. Independently wealthy or church mouse poor. Live however, where ever and with whomever. When I first ask a client this question, they are usually stumped.
Stumped because having anything be a possibility is daunting.
But, what I find most interesting is that people don’t usually change too much of the big picture, and, once they are able to start answering, we don’t get too far past mid-morning in their miracle life before we finally uncover what is going on within themselves that is keeping them down. I have never had someone fantasize full time maid service, or, a life of ultimate luxury.
I have never had someone fantasize full time maid service, or, a life of ultimate luxury.
The most common theme or thread that I hear is that people want to see themselves as being active, efficient and effective in their lives. Meaning, they see their relationships as fulfilling, their parenting meaningful. Their job significant.
Of course, lots of people say they imagine certain people in their life behaving in different ways. But, as I help them develop this fantasy, what I notice is that the way they envision themselves behaving is different as well.
Because, nothing, and, I really mean nothing happens in a vacuum. Picture a glassy pond. Looks serene, calm. Throw even the smallest of pebbles into it, and, the rings reverberate for quite a few minutes.
That rock doesn’t need to be significant. The rock just needs to act upon the lake to make a difference.
And, that is how the miracle question is so amazing. Because, really, people usually just want small, but significant things to be different, because instinctively they know that one small change or effort can have untold effects.
So, take the time to ask yourself The Miracle Question today. What’s your answer?